Since this has been ironically flagged as “irrelevant to flags” on Fandom Wiki, mirroring it here. You can kill a tale but you can’t kill a legend.
1898-1936: The Early Years
The Lake Nolin Menace is a vengeful spirit form that first appeared in 1898 in the Lake Nolin Aquatic Lakes Region, Commonwealth of Kentucky. The first credible incident occurred in the eastern quadrant of Lake Nolin when retired oil execute William Rosecrans, a close confidant to decorated Civil War officer P.G.T. Beauregard, was hoisted and skewered to his study wall with a cheap fishing harpoon by an unknown assailant. There was a suicide note present, but having been written in an atrocious water-logged cursive and signed “toodles for now!", it was deemed of dubious authenticity.
The next reported incident is documented in a 1936 letter from Rear Admiral Matthew Crain to his brother, “…neither children are allowed near the lake’s edge. Both speak of the water’s ungodly voices, telling us to light the cabin ablaze and flee while we can”. Matthew Crain goes on to write of his determination to “keep faith and maintain residence despite [his] wife’s unease and children’s disturbing countenance”. Matthew Crain and his wife were slaughtered later that year in their lakeside home. Despite county-wide search and recovery efforts, the bodies of their two daughters, Elizabeth and Matilda Crain, were never found.
1936 Onwards: Modern Encounters
Late in November, 2005, two children returning from a distant relative’s home overheard The Menace’s characteristic baritone commanding from behind the tree line: “sell your lakefront properties NOW!” As a result of this encounter, in a now retracted statement to the press, Warren Buffet credited The Lake Nolin menace as being “the first true harbinger of the 2008 global housing crisis”. Property values have steadily declined in the region as a result of The Menace and his frequent mishappenings.
Origin, Legend, and Alcohol Abuse
The origin of The Lake Nolin Menace is not definitively known, although regional lore is ripe with theories. Many older residents, who lived through The Menace’s most carnal years, still refuse to walk the night in the Summer months.
On late September evenings, astral conditions permitting, Lake Nolin’s innermost constitution is said to alter. “The water’s smell… it… it changes right in front of you,” wrote Stacy Winters in her last known correspondence. “There I be, unmoorin’ me skiff I, and I look down at the water, see, and the whole lake is piss-yellow! Almost like a Miller Lite hue.”
In late 2003, following a string of lackluster hauntings, the Menace managed to strike a lucrative sponsorship deal with the Miller Brewing Company. This partnership led to what one critic described as “the least inspired years of The Menace’s receding career”. Another critic lambasted The Menace in a 2005 op-ed, writing that “the whole Miller fiasco’s turned The Menace into… into a kind of sad clown, really. Looking back at the pre-1900s Menace and then back to this guy, it’s hard to really believe it. He isn’t worth his weight in ectoplasm.”
The Menace has been a familiar face in the Lake Cumberland Rehab Facility for the past decade, where he continues to maintain a popular blog and write a quarterly column for the New York Times under the nom de plume Ted Cruz.